I decided to get a pedicure this afternoon…. I went back to the place I’ve gone to half a dozen times.  I was pleased to see a younger lady greet me when I walked in.  She started my foot tub water, and walked off.  Assuming she was the one doing my pedicure, I sat down in the chair with my book.  Then, a couple minutes later, out walked the lady who has done my feet several times in the past…. OH NO!  I thought….  is she going to do that snorting thing again?!?!?!?!

Sure enough…….. she sits down in front of me, “hiiiiiiiiiiya! wut cola yud lykie?!” (wait for it, wait for it! I thought)…………… SSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYUK!  I can’t figure out how to type the sound she makes, but you know the sound.  it’s the sound when you are clearing your throat from deep down.  Like you are going to hawk a loogie.  Yup………. I’m sittin here trying to relax, and this poor lady has to hawk one or clear her throat every 10 seconds…. FOR THE ENTIRE 45 MINS!  LOL!!!

and I thought I was bad.  I like to spit.  I can spit about 10 feet and hit something hard.  it’s a technique I discovered all on my own.  I roll my tounge up in a fruit rollup like way, and rocket my load right off the tip.  haha!  OH! my……… I’m laughing outloud hard right now.  but it’s true!  that’s how I ‘get er’ done!”……

Anyhow, the snorting lady, and the younger lady, both started commenting on my cute haircut a few mins later.  They both were trying to say that I looked like an anime charachter, but in real life form.  pretty ironic don’t cha think?  after saying that, I no longer thought of her as the ’snorting lady’, and just called her cool.

Directly following an injury, remember RICE. Rest ice compression elevation. I pulled something doing plyometrics yesterday in a parking lot waiting for an appointment. No cardio today, but I am still going to learn a dirty chair dance for Bubbas birthday suprise tomorrow. Taught by the 2 coolest gay guys in the U.S.! I’ll b sure to videotape some of it.

I’m in the midst of doing some heart-pounding cardio right now. I had to stop and share this with u all. Thanks to a “fan” (WTF! Now I know why Prince hated calling us fans, “fans”. He resorted to using the word “friends”. Even tho he said ur lucky if u can count your ‘friends’ on a peace sign!)…. I mean “friend”, I realized what my calling may be. Other than being a bad ass, unstoppable, mortal motorcycle police officer….. I couldn’t pin-point what it was/is that I’m really passionate about. I knew it had something to do with sharing my knowledge and experiences with young adults, and teens, but I wasn’t sure about what. I knew that addiction was part of it, but didn’t want to limit myself. I also wanted to incorporate that into personal training.
Well something just clicked early while I was reading an email from him. Maybe it’s because he had suggested it, LOL! I truely believe we r all brought into each others life’s for a reason. As long as we keep an open mind, r patient, and quiet enough, that purpose will reveal itself.
I know, I know…. KO’s gone all hippy-status on ya….. But not really. This side has always been inside of me, I just never took the 60 extra seconds in my day to focus on it. I was too busy plotting and scheming on ways to get more pills, or lift more weights so I could be the biggest and badest-

Well, in the end when ur physical body is no longer static electricity and full of moving atoms/energy, what’s you spiritual,conscience body going to do? Lay down and die along with your physical body? PASS!

I want to be balanced. Not only phaically, but spiritually and mentally. Fuk buying more, spending more, getting more, doing more…. Trying to fill a void that material things and the egoic mind will NEVER be satisfied over. At least not for the long haul.

Like I said after my first day of enlightenment… Evolve or DIE.

I’ll step off my soapbox now. Thank you, thank you!! Please, no more clapping. Oh, and pick your jaw up off the ground before you try and exity website.

Physically and soon to be mentally,
HARD AS FUK!
KO

One of my earlier sessions in my “session career”, emailed me back with some exciting words I wanted to share.  He is the one that caught me on film smashing melons, which was his idea in the first place.  I thought I’d let you share some of his joy:

OK, so I just noticed that I’ve been posting blogs from my phone, as new pages on the  website, as opposed to blog entries.  Here is what I wrote at 1am this morning:

“U guys r never going to believe this…. I just discovered that my childhood fitness icon/hero lives and works less than an hour from me!! Joannie Greggins baby!! Not sure how to spell her name correctly, but I just emailed her to say thanks she seriously looks stunning. Her personality is ideal for leadership.
Ok off to bed. I’ll write a long one tomorrow
KO”

Well, after writing her a nice email that totalled in 2-3 paragraphs, she wrote me back saying,

“nice note”

WHAT THE FUK!  Total let down, lol.  that’s why I always take the time and write people back who are motivated by me.  I need you, and you need me.  Once you get the shitty attitude that you’re better than everyone else on a stuck-up “I’m too good for you” level, you really loose your swagger.

that’s all for now-

KO

Since I posted for Australia in early Nov 2010, I’ve gotten a pretty large response.  One of the KO fans that emailed me about a session, got this reply:

When I get to my computer I’ll give u more detail but n a nutshell, let’s just say it will b the best session you’ve ever had. Hands down. Just b prepared for the mental and emotional breakdown/frustration u will experience when I’m not there to satisfy ur needs after I leave you. I’m rather addicting.
One word for u M****: python
Slow, sexy, taunting… The master of pleasure and pain. U want out, no u want to stay right there… No help! I can’t breathe! No wait!!!!!!! I’m in between the sexiest, hardest legs I’ve ever experienced. FUK!

The reason why I had to post that, is because while I was composing this little masterpiece of words, I started to get myself ramped up!!  I mean, normally I get excited while responding to anyone, especially if I’m passionate about what I’m saying (typing, whatever), and/or if I’m replying for the first time.  I think the expression “you only get one chance to make a first impression” is very true.  But on the other hand, it’s a crock of shit, because a lot of people turn out to be totally different than you initially conjured them up to be.  or out for that fact, lol!

Totally off topic, but I have to tip my hat for AT&T’s marketing/advertising mastermind.  As some of you may recall, I’ve had the worst experience with AT&T’s high0-speed internet department.  I thought I’d never give a shout-out to a company whom I’d cursed so many times, but I’m about to-

I was in the kitchen making some decaf green tea (I didn’t  buy any sugar-free or diet drinks at costco this last trip, and am resorting to only water and/or tea) when I saw this commercial come on the TV.  Basically, the screen was split into 2 sections.  It was the same girl on each side, doing the same thing in the beginning.  basically, her cell phone with service by AT&T downloaded ultra fast, therefor, causing a chain of events that landed her as the star in a broadway ballet.  On the other side of the screen, her cell phone with non ATT service, took to long to download, and that few seconds of difference, caused her day to turn out to be completely different.  At the end of the commercial, where on the left hand side, she was the star of the ballet, on the right hand side, she was sitting out in the audience, watching the ballet, with a look of longing and agony (could have been confused for constipation in my opinion, but who knows) on her face….. Then, brilliantly, AT&T blasts:
“EVERY SECOND COUNTS” across the screen.  Now, when a company can make someone educated and consciously aware, feel like “I need to have that in order to excel” is fuking BRILLIANT in my eyes-

In theory, sure!  That could all make sense.  I’m not going to go on and on about that, because I’m not sure I was even able to put the commercial into words.  I’m sure if you google, or youtube “AT&T: every second counts commercial” you could find it and watch it.

OK, over that topic….. NEXT!  Now for my next trick:  IF YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED THE MAIN AIR FILTER IN YOUR HVAC  SYSTEM AT HOME, DO IT!  It never dawned on me that I should buy a new filter for the main duct in my house.  It was $17 for a premium filter at home depot, and what a difference it has made in the effectiveness of the air flow.  What’s even more ridiculous is that it’s recommended every 3 months! LOL

Oh, by the way……. went to the farmers market today.  Not only did I get recognized by a guy who was on a flight with me a year and a half ago to Las Vegas (I must not be looking too different.  then again, I don’t know anyone else with a FUKING KO TATTOO!), but I also bought a whole organic, locally raised chicken for $22.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!  The lady behind the table says, “did you say you wanted 1 or 2?”  I said, “how much did the 1 come to?”, “$22″ she said…. “ONE PLEASE!”  I said through a cracked, half-ass smile…….. in my head I’m thinking, “(($22 FUKIN BUCKS FOR A TINY ASS CHICKEN!  YOU ARE OUT YO MIND WOMAN!)”.  But deep down, I know this is no longer something I can afford to be frugal about.

OK, now off to book these damn hotels.  Queen of indecisiveness will now embark on her 3 hour deciding mission on price vs star rating vs location vs free internet……… all I really care about is if the room has enough light, unlike the last place I stayed at.  OH AND IF THE FUKIN WINDOW WILL OPEN!

I’m not sure if I mentioned this small, but rather large disturbing fact, I learned during my personal training workshop…. so here it is in case I did not:  did you know, that there are 33 ingredients in a chicken nugget? 

Yea, you heard right.  Isn’t that absurd???  I was at Costco yesterday, and almost grabbed a bag of frozen chicken tenders (smaller breasts in strip like slices).  I go through a bag almost every 2 weeks.  Then, I started thinking about all the negative shit I’ve watched on chicken “crops”, such as in the movie “Food Inc”.  Also, with the recent bad egg publicity, ya realize (even more so than ever), that the FDA could really stand to ‘ramp it up’ a bit.

So, I am going down to the local farmers market tomorrow to compare prices on organic, local chicken vs frozen, big box brand name.  You ever notice when you buy that frozen, big named poultry, that after you thaw it out, and rinse it off, all this suddsy, soap like shit comes off of it?  if you haven’t, check it out………………………… you’ll be cursing my name every time you go to cook chicken for dinner that was previously frozen.

But then again, I like it when you curse my name.

x KO

just say ya’ll know, if you contact me today and you don’t hear back from me, I’m going to try, try, tryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to take the day off and do nothing.  I’ve been up since 830a (yea! I slept in!!) rendering clips, but I’m about to leave for the gym.  I plan on spending the entire morning there, getting a facial at 130p, go to costco and restock my house, go to hot yoga and sweat all this shitty LA air out of my body, then go back to the gym for a few hours.  not sure if I’m “going through the beautiful cycle of life” (what the fuck ever!  you try not having a period for 5 months from being too lean) ((I’m about to rip someones head off and shit down their throat for the fun of it!)), or if I was impregnated (did I spell that right?) by an alien through an abduction sometime last week…. but whatever the hell is going on with my  body, it’s about to be put to rest today.  wether I sweat for 6 hours today and loose 7lbs or if I have to shove a wire coat hanger up there and rip that alien out. 

Goodness, I sound insane!  Wait, I kinda am! )

HARD AS FUK…. I will have it no other way-

Remind me to rant the new conspiracy theory Bubba and I worked up.  I was telling him that when the plane landed, and I mean the SECOND that plane landed, every one seated in my row (all happened to be younger men in the 30-40’s), pulled their i-phone out like they were drawing their pistols at a shoot out.  All 4 guys, 2 on my left and 2 on my right, were nose-deep in their phone.  I then started to go on about how fukt off and fukt up the human race is going to be in 5 years because of technology.  Well, not because of technology, but because of what we choose to do with it.

Anyhow, we came to the conclusion, that will all these apps, and what-not, the government is slowly making everyone get used to knowing where everyone is at most given moments.  If you have an iphone, you notice how most apps will ask if you’d like to use your current location to post whatever info you are looking up, and or sharing?  So lets say you post a picture on Flikr.  It will ask you if you’d like to share your location…. if you say yes, it then asks if you’d like to see what other people in your area are doing.  So then you can see at 3pm, such and such person was at such and such place.  at 3:03pm, such and such robot was at such and such radio shack….

Or holy shit, how about facebook?  People have become obbsessed with constantly documenting what it is they are doing.  where, when, who, why, what….. who needs to microchip kids when they have gps on their cell phones for fuk sakes?!  Also, you know most of us can’t live without or cell phones, so there is no risk there, in that we might decide to toss it in the ocean one day and say, “fuk it!”.  Now, I know we’ll all be in big shit, if and ever, my Grandmother learns how to text.  Then I’ll really know we are on our way to hell, riding an iphone magic carpet!  I bet there is an app for that shit!

x KO